I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
