I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
