I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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