her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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