I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
