Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
