i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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