Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
