that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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