so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
