My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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