if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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