i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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