so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
