stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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