You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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