Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
