my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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