am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
