you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
