Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
