Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
