he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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