You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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