i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
