Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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