I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
