Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
