Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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