I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
