some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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