And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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