hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
