I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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