Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
