i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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