That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
