She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
