i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
