the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
