just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
