at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
