i think i have two assholes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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