And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
