I'm so fucking centered right now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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