What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
