I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
