I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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