Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
