I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
