there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
