so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was like eating out sand paper
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
