2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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